I Will Remember You, But will they..........

As I sit here and reflect on 9/11/09, eight years after, all I can do is remember the heartbreak and chaos. I remember going to the bathroom during class and seeing my teachers watching the news and trying to figure out, the old age question, "what's Going On?". I can remember my principal making an announcement after I returned, and my mother panicking, and coming to get me from school because I was close to the Peace Bridge that leads to Canada. Americans were in panic and thought the entire country would soon be under attack, but little did we know we are. I myself could even understand the impact it was going to have on our country or all the lives that it would take and has not yet taken.

How can we forget thee importance of this day and go on with our lives as though it doesn't matter? I myself know that i am consumed with my life and need to sometimes take a step back to think about others and how my overwhelming ideas about me being number one is idiotic and lacks the potential for me to grow as an individual. Before I get too sidetracked, like most of us do let me revert back to the focus of today's blog, 911 and its the symbolic action and most importantly the reason to remember.

Eight years ago the country was in a uproar. They didn't know who to blame and they didn't know who to claim. But one thing that arose from 911, are the racial and cultural injustices' that those of the Muslim community now have to suffer with. One thing we need to learn from this is that we are not as safe as we think. there is always some way around things and if people want to find a way they can and they will. We must remember this day for all those who lost someone and are now serving a life sentence, similar to the one that my Spelman sister's mother is. A life taken too soon but at his will. We cannot argue with God, but instead ask him to lead us to understanding. For the will of the Lord is the final choice.

Summertime

With less then a month left before I pack up what I need for my next year at the prestigious Spelman College, I must take time to reflect on all the things that have happened this summer. I was blessed to be able to travel so much this summer. In addition to that I was also able to relax and to get a good sense of self. I got to explore my future and where i see myself going. I talked with professionals and even have figured out all the different things that i want to do. I am so glad that I have many people that love me and support me in everything I do.

When I came home I got to enjoy the luxury of waking up late, and mom's Saturday breakfast pretty much everyday of the week. I really like going to school so far away because when i come back I am truly appreciated.

Now on to the trips that I mentioned before. I have already been to West Virginia, Rochester, NY, and Chicago but this weekend I am lucky enough to be able to go to Miami. I am truly grateful and glad for all the trips I have enjoyed. Visiting family is something that we all need to do.

Now I must take time to acknowledge the Late King of Pop, Michael Jackson. I remember MJ as a wonderful and outstanding individual. He is not only a pop icon but a wonderful son father brother and friend. In my eyes he is one of the greatest that ever lived. Every time i think about it I cant believe that's it true.

A New Day

I blogged yesterday because I was so overwhelmed with emotions, but I also forgot to update blog spot and all my readers on my current situations. I am on vacation still of course, and return to school in late August, but currently I am working as a Buffalo City Court Clerk, in the DV Court. I am looking for another part time gig, but I think that this is going to be it for the summer of 09.

I completely and utterly miss everyone who has touched my life in Atlanta. I cannot wait to get back, I am enjoying all the time I spend here in Buffalo with my family and devoted friends. I have also been enjoying the home cooked meals, spending money that's not mine, i.e. grandpa and mom, and even not having to sleep on a "x-l twin" bed and the best part, having my own room!

There are so many things that I have accomplished since i been home and they include getting a job, receiving my license, and BLOGGING AGAIN! lol I have researched and created a plan for my life, including the free time, which there is a lack of. I truly believe that The best is Yet to come!

Do you Exist?

As I sit here listening to Chrisette Michele sing her unreeling song, Notebook, I sit here and wonder...Do you even Exist?.....In a world where X's and O's mean Hugs and Kisses, and where [143] means I love you, Do you Exist?...I know you are out there somewhere but will we ever find each other, will it be the right time in both of our lives to get together and if so will we have the same views on everything. Will you finish my sentences and help me with the dishes when you know I'm tired from work and cooking dinner, and rub my feet just because and remember the first day you got to hold my hand...or kiss me after we have been married for 10 years, and as I go on i have to ask myself....Do you exist? or has society and those around me helped me create this perfect man, that just doesn't exist.....

I have figured out some things in life on my own and I believe this is one of them......HE DOESN'T!...or more or less he does, but he doesn't have everything on the list and that doesn't mean the list has to disappear but it has to become flexible, like the "rubber pencil" from the 6th grade, it has to seem to bend and that is as equal to you molding that man and create a loving atmosphere not only for your relationship but for your children to come and the legacy that you will leave behind.

Now that I have gotten on my future man, I have to talk about myself, because believe me I know I'm not perfect. I'm busy and demanding and want everything to go my way, but the man that can calm me down, help me change for the better and make me feel GOOD...[all over] is the one.period. Everyone has somebody out there for them, but only some of us will be lucky enough to find them, and even fewer will be able to grow old and love them more then they love themselves. Love is more than a four letter word. Its a way of life.

What Happened to the Groups

I Posted A Song on the Right Side of my page, right above my Profile. It is a song from one of the most influential British GirlGroups of the '90s, The Spice Girls. To this day I still love them, but this blog is dedicated to all the Boy and Girl Groups that were hot.

Everybody knows that they used to love Backestreet Boys, Nsync, New Kids on the Block, Boys to Men, B5 and 98 degrees. These boy bands were amazing. Unlike the music children our age do listen to, it is no where near similar. Although we did have some bad songs, in example Danger and The Thong Song. But my main focus was these Boy Bands. I loved Nsync and yes more then the backstreet boys, which is apparent now because members of the Backstreet boys are now in Rehab, but members of Nsync went on to win awards and even go to the Moon. I think I have made my point.

When it comes to Girl Groups I remember 3LW, Envouge, SWV, Brownstone, TLC, Destiny's Child, and even those who didnt go that far like Blaque or Expose. I loved all girl groups, whether they made one top selling song or whether they carried the lives of others on their own salary. Either way they were empowering themselves by writing songs about how thet felt, either positive or negative. These girls were role models for lots of young women growing up during this time. One specific group that I was fond of was Salt-n-Pepa. every song they made I loved and still do to this day.

This blog was spur of the moment but it had be said. I love music and life, which are two things that go hand in hand, the beat of your heart keeps you living.

God is Love. Iesha.

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

I have finished my first year of College at the number 1 HBCU in America, Spelman College. I have met so many different people in this past year and they have impacted my life in so many ways, all which i feel are positive, even if at the time was stressful or seemed negative. They say college is where you make your lifelong friends and also a place where you find out who your real friends are. As I finish up these last few exams and I depart Atlanta on May 12th back to my home. Buffalo NY, I will remember one thing. Its my Choice and I am not only getting an education here at Spelman but it is molding me into the woman that I will soon be. I love Spelman College, even though I complain a lot of the time and often take it and all the luxuries I have with a grain of salt when I should be greatful for all that I do have. Life is about kowing who you are, want to become and how you are gonna do it. Once you are set in your way you can not only triumph but be satisfied with evey outcome, instead of just some.

Spelman is not just my College, Spelman was a call to duty. Spelman was a college built for me, a young black woman who prided herself in education and self-pride. At Spelman not only do I learn my field but I am taught My herstory, and eveything that I should know as a oung black woman. Enough about Spelman, now its time to salute my friends and all they put up with, and all I put up with.

Kirstie: Also known as "My Red Twin" is a phenominal woman. She not only has drive but ambition and hopes that could fill any room in seconds. Unlike those who just dream, her dreams become her reality, ehen she puts her mind to it. She is my rock when I need one and my soft side when I'm being too stern. We are not two beings but instead we are one. I love her. She is not just a friend, but family. Many say that it takes a lifetime to build a lifelong friend but I found one nine months.

Ayonna: Also known by her "baby" ways, or "JellyBean" embodies the words Spelman Woman.She not only stands by what she believes in but she is a kind person, with a lot of spunk. She gives her all in everything that she does and is one of the most honest and endearing peole I have came across on this campus, but should not be underestimated. Although she is small she has the largest attuitde which is needed at times. She will fight with you but when it comes down to it is ready and willing to fight for you. Ayonna has a lot of heart, for me and for all the people that she loves. She is a true friend.

Yvonne: Also known as VJ Squirt-(dont ask). At times Yvonne is the voice of reason. Although she is passive she can have some very good ideas that we dont stress. Yvonne is my sweetheart. She is a beautiful person with a womderful soul. Her Beauty is often the last thing she realizes she embodies, which I hope she can understand is beyond measure. She is A Southern Girl, and aint no getting out of that one. I love her.

[In this Pic I wasn't Ready] lol

Nye: Also known as Polly. ye and I have the most in common. We are the only Child, and Spoiled to death. She is so sweet and kind. She has the heart of an mother and is a nosiy is that lady next door that is always looking out the window. She expects nothing but the best and often stresses over minimal work. She keeps us all on track sometimes and is the voice of reason. She has insight in certain areas of live, and is a very clean cut person. I love Nye because of her manners, and her cautious tendencies. She feels it is important to rememberthat there is always someone watching and her the way that others view her is important which I admire.

I have to mention all of the other important girlies of my freshman year, the ones I have spent the most time with and the ones that will get a Blog later, when I'm not as tired.

Shonette, Lindsey,Thresa,Jasmine,Andrea "pooh", Best Friend.."thee spelman Jaguar" lol, Shannon, Andrea, Tangi and all the other girls of Abby HaLL , Spelman College, The AUC and the City of Atlanta, I Love You All.

To explain the purpose of this blog you must understand the Title of this Blog: Everyone is put in your life for a reason, Some for a Season and Some for a Lifetime. I hope that the friends that I have made this year go on to be the friends I share a Congradualatory Toast for my First Practice, My Wedding and My Children's Special Moments. These Friendships feel as though they will bloom into A Lifetime of Happiness.

Here's Where I Stand [♥SC]

As I sat in Sisters Chapel, on Spelman's College campus next to my sisters and with those who have came before me and even some who will follow, I was moved to tears. I enjoyed every moment of Founder's Day 2009. Spelman College students, faculty and staff put together a wonderful presentation that I loved. There were guests that meant so much to me from the oldest living Spelman Alumni to Cassie Davis and Jasmine Guy. I felt like I understood the true meaning of me being here. I felt as though I was out of myself, and that being apart of Spelman made is something larger than myself. I fell that not only am I apart of Spelman, but Spelman is apart of me. There are a lot of girls that upset me during this particular convocation. I realize that we did have to wake up early which even I wasn't happy about but I did understand the importance of the day and that missing this is something that shouldnt be. I cannot understand why girls would chose to come here if they are not interested in any of the traditions or the importance of this school. Usually I would go on to say how much I am disappointed and sad because they will realize the importance and the greatness of Spelman.

I.Enjoy.Serving.Him.Always. [IESHA]

Today my friend had a reality check. As we were riding in the car she saw a man out the window actually reaching into the garbage can looking for scraps or something he can salvage. She told us it was the first time she had ever seen someone doing that. I realized that it wasn't the first time that I had seen it, and it made me not only grateful for my situation, in college and blessed to eat every day, and blessed to have a bed to rest my head in every night but sad to think of all the people across the world that need the food we throw away at night. We all take for granite all that we do have so I cannot thank GOD enough for all that I do have. Even though I bicker and fuss about all the stuff I have to do, I am glad is giving me the opportunity. And so I end with this: the man with no shoes is happy because at least he has feet to walk home. We cannot be so easily swayed to see the glass half empty but instead see it half full. Be happy for what you have and push forward to get more and have total happiness whether you have everything you want, when you have everything you need.

Two Reasons I Cry

Today I listened to a song by Ginuwine, "Two Reasons I Cry". This is a song about how he felt after he lost both his mother and father died. They are gone forever. Its very difficult for me to deal with death. By ignoring it and suppressingthe emotions I have inside its hard to understand and to even fathom the different people that I could lose if God calls them.

I was awaken today by a text message from my friend who alerted me of the passing of my professor. I was stunned. I still cannot believe it. I'm not exactly sure when it will hit me or if it has and I'm over it and I have have learned how to deal but either way I have to realize like the others that I have loved that have gone before her, she is gone. She will nto be back. She will never be able to make jokes about "benonce" as she calls her or even talk some sense into these girls here. I have learned aendless things from Professor Hunley, from what to wear to how to properly write a partner letter and the tradition of concubines. She will truly be missed.

Her death has inspired me to live my life to the fullest. Although I pray I have many years ahead of me, the truth is that its up to GOD. I cannot determine when I die but I can try and live healthy and honest to myself and those around me, that love me. I cannot stress over small things, or even worry what others have to say, because at the end of the day, If you love yourself others will love you and when it is your time you will be missed. Kindness and honesty is the characteristics of a happy person.

I believe that Professor Wanda C. Hunley was happy. Although she didnt have a husband, children and had lost her parents she was able to love herself and now she is able to rest peacefully with the family she had lost.

This tragedy has given me a new outlook. I cherish the family and friends that I do have with me and those who are gone I miss but one thing I know is that by making every moment I spend here on earth a memroable one I will truly be happy, as Professor WCH was.

R.I.P. Professor

The Distance between Our Hearts

The Picture above is of Stockholm, Sweden. In 2006 I had the pleasure of visiting this blessed city and I enjoyed every minute of it. The air was clean and the people were very friendly. I was able to talk to my mom sometimes and my friends sometimes due to the Internet access in the hostel I was staying in, but before I go to in dept on my trip and the accommodations let me get to the topic of today's blog: Understanding.

If I have told you I LOVE YOU then that never stops unless u have hurt me. It is important to remember that MY LOVE doesn't fade. those who have made an impact on my life or the life of those that I love are very important to me. I also understand that because I was a little busy my first semester of college it was hard for me to juggle family, friends, work and schoolwork.

The first thing I realized was that I had to make a plan. I started to plan my days and weeks which is helping me to get on a better path of juggling everything at once. Moving onto campus was a great day but it was also symbolic. I was packing up my "world" and moving it to a different location, but I had to realize that all I tool with me as stuff. I left behind my love and most of my heart. My home will always and forever be Buffalo, NY., but currently I live in Atlanta and I love it.

the one thing that I didn't realize was the impact that my changes had on the relationships I had with my friends. It is hard for me to even predict that my emotions and ideas toward our friendship had changed.

Because I make new friends does that mean I have dismiss the others?
Because I am now apart of a sisterhood of women and have grown close to them does that mean that the young ladies I grew up with cannot be apart of my life?
Do they feel like I have abandoned them?
Because I don't call everyday do you feel like I don't care about you anymore?

I cannot answer some of these questions because they are designed with my best friends in mind. The past conversations that I have had about the different hostility between us and the ideas of me being different since I came down here or because I have different friends that I have gotten close to means that I am no longer close to them which is COMPLETELY WRONG!!!

I LOVE MY BEST FRIENDS.....and yes its plural. MY BEST FRIENDS ARE JUST THAT. And because I have made other friends it doesn't mean that they have taken your place. I can become close with other people and still love you the same and more. My location has nothing to do with my emotions or even my ideas about my friendships. I still love my friends but apparently I have been living in the wrong world because I have changed and there is hostility between my friendships and to let everyone know, I have no problems with anyone. I love my best friends Deidre, LeahMarie and Tashanna. I put them in the order in which they came into my life.

Deidre or Deidra as many know her is my best friend since the third grade. We have been through a lot together and even though I talk to her all of five times out of the year she is aware that she is my best friend and that will never change.

LeahMarie is my Ace. She is my Earl. She is my bestie and that will never change. I will always be her bestie too. She loves me and we have the email plan now so we can keep up on our current events.We have known each other since dance but were reunited in the sixth grade on the cheese bus....and been besties ever since.

Tashanna is my bestie that I have known for less time but is my bestie none the less. I'm guessing since we didn't have a strong foundation she didn't feel like I was the same since I was not calling her everyday, but like I said, I LOVE YOU.

Wrapping this up before it gets too long I have to say this..............


NO matter where I am or how long it has been since I talked to you..........I still love you like I did the last time I saw you. The fact that we don't talk doesn't mean that I care less it just means I don't have enough time to call you, mommy,grandpa,my cousin Joel, and my other family that may have called me that day.

Love that can stand the test of time means something. Keeping that in mind I end with this: Love is a battle of time, winding down into one beat, in your heart.

ONE LOVE .

Fine Dining in Mixed Company

This is a picture of me and my closest friends from home. I love them. This outing is a reason why I expect more of someone when we are in a restaurant, no matter what type. I have a group of friends that can carry themselves in a respectable manner and is gracious for the service they and I receive.

Tonight I went out with a group of friends, and my friends guy friend friends and it was very interesting. I feel like going to college has set my standards at an all time high. I not only need a guy who I am physically attracted to but also a guy who has a plan and is not just living in the now but planning for and ready for the future. I encountered four different guys tonight. The first, my friends guy friend is a straight up wanna be thug, because I can tell he used to be a pretty boy. The second was a guy that was a little too shy, he said less then twenty words all night. the third guy is a complete and total country bumpkin, and the last guy was a OK, but that means that he gotta have something he hiding, like a kid or something. We all went to this restaurant with horrible food...that wanted to be Texas Roadhouse, and wasn't. My salad was even bad.

I cannot say much else other than it was interesting and the conversation helped us to really see the different standards that people not only have for those they keep in their presence but even themselves. The different emotions I may have toward a person is changing because I am changing. I feel like it is important to know yourself and understand what you are looking for in someone before you even meet them and except them into your life. By knowing you someone else will want to be with you, if you welcome them.

MUCH LOVE..........

Since I'm on vacation, and no one was up this morning we didn't go to church. I didn't feel to bad because I did go to church last week and I plan on going back in a two weeks. But this outs a question in the table. Does vacation to me mean not going to church and does that mean that I feel like going every week is like a job and not a priviledge. I love the Lord and all He stands for. My life is for the Lord and I dont feel like even going into dept about the love I have for Him.
This is a short blog because my friends have decieded its time to go out but I feel like dedicating my blog to the Lord lets him kno he is on my mind and I LOVE HIM at all times, even when I go out!

Im OUTIE!!!!!!

You know how they say this is the first day of the rest of your life at graduation ceremonies? Last June when I sat in that wooden seat waiting to get one of the most important papers in my life, my high school diploma, I was unaware that it really was the first day of the rest of my life.

My entire outlook on MANY different aspects of the world has changed since then and I have truly transformed into a different person, for the better. I have met new people who will be apart of my life forever.

High School was the preliminary stages for the test for the real world: COLLEGE! I say test because unlike others I realize that being in college is not being in the real world. All of my bills are paid in college except the small ones, such as a salad from jazzmans, the local coffee shop or even @ Spelman-the laundry, but mostly everything is paid for unlike the real world where I will have to provide, which I can't even envision right now. I just understand that there is more to life then everything I have seen or have done which I am ready to now learn how to handle by listening to the advice of those who came before me.

This reflection blog helped me to get some stress and relief off my chest as I sit here in myrtle beach and enjoy the breeze from my window I am grateful that God has brought me this far.

LOVE.PEACE.JOY.HAPPYNESS.

IESHA

Spelmanite View

I have just created my first BLOG. I am very excited and I have much needed expression and artistic views to come. The world is now my canvas and I am ready to paint. It is time for me to keep my head up and instead of complaining about it, JUST BLOG!

Until next time......

"The Beginning"

It all began on a fall day in 1990, October 24th to be exact. A girl was born. The daughter of Donna and Luther. With the hopes and dreams that she possessed and the loved ones that showered her with wonderful words of encouragement I, Iesha Rutledge became the young lady I am today.

This is a little glimpse of background information that can help you to feel my perspective on things and what my lense my see. We all have different views and this blog is My Perspective. This is what we have to remember. A perspective may not be the truth in your eyes, but it is worth money in mine.